Was yours a Downton or Soap orientated Christmas?

So here we are again on the wrong side of Christmas, overly full (well I am) and still digesting the remnants of the Christmas dinner and leftovers, the selection boxes, the chocolates, the mince pies, the sweets and the Yule time logs. 

I have once again rediscovered why there is no need to watch soaps throughout the year. The Christmas specials and Boxing Day extravaganzas, alongside a multitude of annoying questions  that I wonder why I’m asking them as I ask them to the family members that watch the soaps religiously throughout the year mean, I am currently all up to date after just three or four episodes.

This year it seems that the soaps decided that the general depression and humdrums that they plumb for over the festive season was insufficient, and both Coronation Street and Eastenders went for fires to really ruin their characters Christmases and their hopes apparently – although, both in my opinion missed a trick with neither having been caused by an overcooked turkey or a human exploding from one too many sprouts! I personally would have found my Christmas dramatically improved if Pat’s departure from Eastenders had seen Bianca run into the Vic and cry; “Ricky! Pat’s exploded and there is now a fire at number ten!” But I suppose a psychopath with arson tendencies was just as exciting if not lacking in comedy value – oh wait, that’s right I was watching a soap and it wasn’t Acorn Antiques. 

Aside anyway from the Dales, Corrie and the East End – I do know that there are more soaps but my family simply doesn’t watch them, there was the Christmas special of Downton Abbey. Please someone, give Julian Fellowes a Knighthood. It you are fan and haven’t yet seen it, firstly what have you been doing over Christmas and secondly don’t read on as there are spoilers!

Bates sentenced to death but then at the last minute given a reprieve, Lady Sybil absent but by the end her fans were able to breathe a sigh of relief as it was made clear that she would be welcomed back into the fold (perhaps for a third series), Lord Grantham’s dog lost but then found – granted that was not the most exciting part of the two hour special, the truth about Pomook and Lady Mary’s one night stand came out and Matthew and Mary finally got engaged – yay! It was a bumper episode which was packed with entertainment and tied up many of the loose ends from Series Two.

Yet, I have to take a minute to give a great hooray to the one and only Dame Maggie Smith. I appreciate that she does not write her own lines, and I bow my hat to the writers, but her delivery is superb. If I had to give one reason to anyone who did not watch the Downton Abbey Christmas Special or has not watched the series, it would be her performance. Her droll delivery of her lines and her command of the small screen is currently I do not believe comparable to anyone else on television. I do not know why the servants fear Lord Grantham, I would fear Lady Grantham. I also don’t know why Thomas was so eager to dance with her, he may be a “bad ‘un” but he’s no match for Dame Maggie Smith!

I’ve just been reliably informed that all the turkey leftovers are now finished. After three solid days of nothing but turkey all I am left with to say, and very much in the words of Lady Grantham aka Dame Maggie Smith is; “Do you promise?”

Don’t tell the Bride – it’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures!

BBC Three has found an absolute cracker of a programme with Don’t tell the Bride, and I have to admit (guilty) that it’s the best reality programme on TV. The concept for anyone who hasn’t seen it is that the groom is given £12,000 and three weeks to organise a wedding for his bride to be.

During this time he, or she – there has been a lesbian wedding, is not allowed any contact with his or her bride to be. The budget also has to cover not only the wedding and reception, but also the stag and hen do’s, the bride and bridesmaids dresses, the clothes for the groom and any groomsmen, flowers, favours, decorations, and also any cars and travel requirements that will be needed.

Now while this concept could sound dull, or perhaps a little documentary-esque, it is not. The programme is in fact hilarious, although I’m often not sure that the participants wanted their wedding to be seen as a comedy when they applied for the show! Yet it is and not least because whilst the groom is making all of his arrangements for the big day, his bride to be is also asked to choose what she wants and is expecting to be organised on “the biggest day of her life”.

This is the best part. The bride nearly always wants the exact opposite of what the groom has chosen and this is made amusing by the comedic timing of the voice over as she points this out. The groom also usually dismisses a variety of wedding dresses, including one that is the exact shape, style and shade of the one that his future bride adores, has her heart set on, and is filmed twirling around in.

For forty minutes, the wedding day looks set to be a disaster with the groom seemingly making all of the wrong choices. I also (I know I shouldn’t) quite like it when the budget is used up before everything has been bought. It always seems though that there is just enough money left to pay for the stag do, but the hens rarely fair as well!

About three quarters of the way through the programme there is always a big reveal. This is usually the dress, which is shown to the bride to be on the day before the wedding (a little harsh especially when she hates it!) Yet there was one, extraordinarily brilliant, episode where the big reveal was actually the fact that the wedding was in Las Vegas.

The groom in this episode had only invited a handful of people for budgetary reasons. He had even cut his own sister – harsh! Whilst he had invited his future sister-in-law – she was a bridesmaid and maybe the only reason for her invite, his future brother-in-law was not so lucky! It was highly controversial and amazing entertainment (again I know I shouldn’t revel in other people’s TV misery, but if they will go on reality TV!) The sister-in-law refused to go, and so did the bride – initially.

Most episodes as I say centre on the dress, and for a few minutes it is car absolute crash TV – you want to look away but you just can’t help watching. The bride cries, her family and friends cry, but it is not always in a good way. Occasionally she hates the dress or worse it doesn’t fit – oops!

The final segment of the programme is the actual wedding and the bride nearly always loves the day, well most parts of it. Who can forget the poor Thorpe Park bride or the Vegas bride?

As much as I watch this programme for its entertainment and comedy value, I do have to take my hat off to all the couples that have gone on it. To the brides I salute you, I would never trust a man to organise a cinema trip much less to plan an entire wedding. To the grooms I congratulate you. In most cases you hit the nail right on the head and plan a perfect day for the loves of your life. To BBC Three I thank you, Don’t tell the Bride is brilliant. Make more episodes!

Masterchef: The Professionals – In second place is the food and cooking

Masterchef: The Professionals and Celebrity Masterchef are great television and I always become addicted to them both, but for different reasons. The Celebrity version of the show is always dominated – as I guess most celebrity shows are, by some element of favouritism that takes place from my sofa. I inevitably pick a favourite.

The Professionals show is therefore already in a better position. I’m less inclined to pick a favourite for no apparent reason. So it should be more about the food, but is it?

The answer is no. The main reason that I prefer the professionals show is due to the presenters. I think that Gregg Wallace, Monica Galetti and Michel Roux Jr are brilliant and very entertaining to watch. I know that Gregg also does the other Masterchef shows, but in truth I find him slightly less entertaining when paired with John Torade.

Monica’s oversight and decision making in the early rounds is value entertainment. I sit at home not having the slightest idea how to properly prepare whatever it is that she has presented to the professional chefs, and then I take some element of joy (I know I shouldn’t) in watching them panic, under-perform  and the whole time shake as Monica grimaces in the background.

Gregg exudes a passion for food and this series has started to use greggisms that have made me laugh. On Thursday he introduced; “a greggy plate” of food – brilliant! It is also great to have him taste, observe, comment and criticise next to Monica and Michel as he really does give the honest “punters” opinion. For example, I was delighted when he stood up for Perry’s desert on Monday’s show that was made of up of a variety of strawberries and cream and edible paper bag!

Michel Roux Jr is also excellent. Not only does he come across as immensely likeable – unlike many other chefs on cooking competitions, but I also get amused when he’s milling around the chef’s looking in the pots and pans, smelling things, and then asking them if they’re sure things are going to set or be ready on time. It has to be extremely off putting for the chef, but maybe that’s why he does it – yet another test for how the chef performs when under pressure.

For me, a large part of why I watch the show week in week out is to watch Monica, Gregg and Michel. If I didn’t like them, then I probably wouldn't tune in. The food alone, while clearly at a very high standard would not have the sufficient draw. Let’s face it there are a lot of other cooking programmes out there to choose from.

On a final note I don’t know if it’s just me, but if you were going to cook for Michel and Gregg would you not choose a classic main, potentially lamb that’s only just stopped breathing as you serve it to Michel Roux Jr (some of the food he has eaten on Masterchef has at times looked like it could still be moving if put back in a field), and for desert a kind of diabetic’s nightmare –  chocolate, with additional chocolate and with a side of chocolate to appease Gregg’s sweet tooth? A note of caution in the desert though, it can’t be too rich! 

Strictly – I’m Undecided!

Normally at this point in the series, I have an all out favourite that I sit on my sofa rooting for. Yet this year, this is not the case. I like all the celebrities that remain, and find watching the results show a little unsettling. I simply don’t want to see any of them go home, which I understand defeats the purpose of both the Sunday night show and the competition itself.

I love Holly Valance and I have for the past two weeks been concerned when she was in the bottom two. In her audios she comes across as relaxed and laid back and I just love that Aussie approach. She also looks absolutely amazing week in and week out. Much the same has to be said for Jason Donovan although he does, to me at least, appear more competitive than his Aussie counterpart. When he’s interviewed by Claudia Winkleman or Zoe Ball on Strictly - It takes two, who can’t help but want to root for him too? He just comes across as so likeable.

In terms of favourites based solely on dancing, then I would if pushed have to say Harry Judd and Chelsea Healey. They both give incredibly strong performances every week and in my very humble opinion, they’re likely to be the last two standing as the competition nears its conclusion. But then let’s not forget Alex Jones and Robbie Savage. Not least because of the partnerships with James and Ola Jordan respectively. Both of these pairs are brilliantly entertaining on Strictly - It takes two, on their audios and on the dance floor. I love watching them.

With the celebrities that I was not really enamoured with now out of the competition, I just can’t decide who I want to go home tomorrow or who I want to win. I sort of wish that the climax of the show was not in sight. In past series it has always seemed far easier not only to pick a firm favourite and also to take instant, and inexplicable, dislikes to other celebrities competing. Yet this year is a conundrum, although if I could use my vote to oust the presenters then I would.

I appreciate that Sir Bruce is a TV legend, but I find him and his jokes antiquated. Daly, I find is just not that entertaining. Am I the only one that thinks a pairing of Claudia Winkleman (who’s one lines and quips on the Sunday shows always make me chuckle) and Anton Du Beke (who comes across as having an excellent sense of humour) would be an instant family favourite?

Marilyn Monroe – Publically private and still making money for others

After hearing many good reports and rave reviews about this week’s new release; My Week with Marilyn, I went to see it both excited and expectant. I had been told that the performances from Branagh (who plays Laurence Olivier) and Williams (as Monroe) were top notch.

Both the film and the aforementioned performances did not disappoint. Late 1950s Britain looks idyllic and quintessentially British, and the story – based on a diary account of Colin Clark, an assistant for Olivier, was very moving and at times gave a sense that even in 1956 the writing, for the tragic fate of Monroe six years later, was potentially already on the wall.

I have to say that I was enamoured with Michelle Williams (whom I only knew from Dawson’s Creek) and her portrayal of Marilyn Monroe. I really hope that she gets the critical acclaim and recognition that is much deserved for her performance.

Understated yet always a star attraction Dame Judi Dench is also excellent. Just as in Shakespeare in Love she is not in this film for that long, but in the scene where her character confronts Olivier in defence of Monroe she is simply wonderful and oozes class and refinement.

Whilst I loved the film, the performances and the story, there was one thing that made me feel a little uncomfortable and I don’t know if other people who have or will see it will feel similarly?

Colin Clark’s account is that as a young man he found himself in a position whereby he was able to get very close to the then world famous Monroe. From his perspective, she comes across as both troubled and innocent, struggling to cope with the demands of her fame and the realisation that she must at all times live up to the persona of Marilyn Monroe on film.

His account shows that there are people in her life, surrounding her and making decisions for her, that understand that they are on to a good thing and that they have a golden goose. The young Clark therefore comes across as someone that she is able to lean on, even if only briefly, and let down her guard to and this is where I found myself struggling. It was not with the acceptance of the idea that Monroe might have shown this side of herself to a young assistant, it was more that Clark, after having seen Monroe’s vulnerability, her struggle for normality in a world where she had already become infamous, and having witnessed the money making that went on around her then went on to publish an intimate account of both his time with her and that non public side of her. His account has made her privacy public, and even in death it seems that Monroe is still a golden goose.

I liked the film a lot, but it did feel like a guilty pleasure. Perhaps that’s just me and I do wonder if I’d feel differently if Marilyn Monroe was still alive today. 

Grey’s Anatomy – Seriously, I am addicted

With the new season of Grey’s Anatomy currently on a break, I have been forced to fall back on my faithful box sets of past seasons and it made me wonder - Why is Grey’s Anatomy so addictive, and which of the seasons (if I really had to pick) is my all time favourite?

Season 8 Grey’s Anatomy has for me felt much like Season’s 6 and 7 before it. It is good and still has me watching every week, but there is something lacking now that early Grey’s had in abundance. Yet, credit where it is most certainly due, every time that I start to feel that I may have reached my Grey’s quota (and trust me the amount of times I’ve watched it – I should have), I am just as quickly absorbed back into it with a humdinger of an episode.

Episode 9 of the latest season hooked me again just in time for the show to take a break, and in Season 7 for me the real high point was the musical episode, which I know will most likely be met with the same mixed reactions as the episode was.

I really struggled with Season 6 - I don’t handle change very well and there were a lot of new characters to get to know and also I may have been in a slight mourning period first for George and then for Izzie -both characters that I feel are greatly missed in latter Seasons. Yet, despite this the shooting finale was truly spectacular and had me glued to the screen.

Season 5 was strong in my opinion, and also saw the introduction of Owen Hunt. In terms of newbie’s to the initial Grey’s characters (I am terming newbie as any character that was not introduced in Season 2), Owen and Arizona are the stand out strongest characters and I love their relationships with Christina and Callie respectively.

While Season 4 saw the arrival of a lot of new interns, and a new love interest for Derek Shepherd, the series as a whole I liked. It was for me at times very reminiscent of the first two seasons of Grey’s. It had the will they won’t they for Mer-Der and it at times re-invigorated the intern and Bailey relationship that was so strong in Seasons 1-3.

The secret of Grey’s Anatomy being addictive has to lie in a combination of factors; the characters, the relationships, the drama and above all the catch phrases. Who will forget the episode where McSteamy is named and George chokes back his “McVomit”, the time when “Seriously!” was said repeatedly, and the continual joke around Bailey as the Nazi – “on the hospital warpath and not the German warpath” though, just to be clear as Christina has to be when explaining the name to Burke’s Mama in Season 3.

In terms of a best ever Season – surely though it’s got to be season two? Whilst the first season hooked me in, the second was jam packed with amazing episodes, who could forget “Into you like a Train” – poor Bonny, “As we know it” – poor bomb disposal guy, and finally “Losing my Religion” – poor Denny.

The Season was full of emotional upheavals. The writing, acting and general brilliantness of the show oozed with a very high level of addiction, and the looks traded by McDreamy and Denny when Meredith and Izzie weren’t looking were just wonderful to watch. Even now, every time I hear “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol I think of the season finale. It was spectacular, it was unmissable, it was Grey’s Anatomy at its best. Seriously! Seriously!

For me it’s always the Coca-Cola advert

With each and every holiday seeming to begin earlier and earlier, I often find that I am not always in the right “holiday” frame of mind for the beginning of the season’s festivities. This year seems no different. Just days after bonfire night – which granted I am willing to concede is not strictly speaking a holiday, but then neither in my mind is Halloween, yet hopefully you get my point. We are already being heavily confronted with Christmas.

The shops have out their decorations and lights, and it is difficult to turn around without seeing either an advent calendar or a selection box in the shops.

I have to say I am always a little surprised that this time of year is upon us yet again. It seems not so long ago that we still had light nights, and our Saturday evenings were not consumed with Strictly Come Dancing and the X-Factor.

Now I must hasten to add that I absolutely adore Christmas. I love the lead up, the hustle and bustle around the streets and shops, and I love all the wonderful food and the great excuse to put the diet on hold to the New Year. I even love the cold, I feel sure that winter will set in soon enough!

What I find hard though, is getting into that “Christmas” frame of mind, particularly when we are just half way through the month of November. It is too early to start my Christmas shopping - I’m more of a last minute person. So I sort of feel like I shouldn’t be excited yet, even though I know that once I am I will love every minute of it as always.

Starbucks has made its valiant attempt to knock me into the Christmas spirit with the emergence of its red cups and its syrup flavoured coffee’s of gingerbread and eggnog  - both very Christmassy, that will, once I am in the right frame of mood make me feel very festive indeed. Yet, I still find myself wanting to delay the season’s greetings, at least till say the 1^st December?

Then, last night I heard it for the first time this year. Even before I looked up at the television screen, I knew what it was and felt childishly excited by the prospect of Christmas approaching. It was the one advertisement on television that puts me in the mood for Christmas instantly.

I am, of course, talking about the Coca-Cola advert. The one with the big red Coca-Cola lorry coming through a small town and lighting it up, while the song in the background chants; “The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming!” Then right at the very end you see Santa on the back of the magical town lighting-up lorry, smiling and drinking a bottle of Coca-Cola.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you need to look out for it, it’s brilliant and a sure fire way to put anyone in the festive mood. Although I’m not sure if it’s just my imagination, but I feel certain that in years gone by, the Coca-Cola drinking Santa used to wink?!? In this year’s rendition he doesn’t, but then what does it matter? The advert has done its job and I am feeling Christmassy, but then why wouldn’t I? “The holidays are coming!” 

Circulate or separate, I don’t mind. Just please don’t tumble turn!

I am a frequent swimmer, and by this, I mean that I usually make it to the pool at least five days a week. I should probably mention that this is aided by the fact that it’s directly opposite my flat. I therefore cannot neither leave my home, nor look out my window without seeing it and feeling somewhat guilty that I have not been – particularly when it’s a Sunday around four o’clock in the afternoon and I am still in my pyjamas scoffing down a pot noodle!

Any way I digress. As I was saying, I swim regularly and find myself continually faced with the same issue when it comes to lane swimming. The pool I use is not manned by a life guard and so the strict rules with regards to swimming up and down the lane in a circular motion are not as clear cut as they are in most local leisure centres.

Now I would hate to give you the wrong impression, that the pool where I swim is a free for all. It does still have the swim boards propped up at the end of the three lanes (yes – you would be right in thinking that it is not a very wide pool), that specify Fast, Medium and Slow and have the arrows that indicate the direction in which you are best advised to navigate your way up and down the lane. Yet somehow, I find that these boards do not adequately deal with the situation I find myself faced with time and time again when you are either the first person in the lane and are joined by a fellow swimmer, or you are the second comer. And it seems that I am not the only one!

I often where possible follow the other persons lead or else make the assumption that we will be following the direction as indicated on the lane board. Occasionally though, it is not clear how the other swimming is going to respond, and this can lead to the inevitable short, slightly awkward exchange of; “should we split the lane or would you prefer to follow the board?” I find in the majority of exchanges you are never actually required to ask more than just “should we split the lane.” I have found that most people seem to prefer this approach, as I myself do. I find it very useful when I am in the fast lane and am joined by a person that I think might be better suited to being in the bubble pool.

In a circular lane swim, in the example above I would be forced to swim very slowly where as by splitting the lane, I am not slowed by the other swimmer nor do I have to worry about making them feel like they are in my way, which I feel would be very inconsiderate – not to mention rude, of me.

I must state however, that splitting the lane is not without its hazards. I once agreed to split the lane with what transpired to be a very powerful male swimmer. The waves he created with his strokes lifted me so high against the wall of the pool that I did worry that I might find myself in the bubble pool before my swim was complete. It also does not work at all, if the pool gets busy and you are joined by a third person – the lanes do not allow room for it to be split again.

I should say that I am not against swimming in a circular fashion, but I do think that this type of lane swimming should be reserved for pools that are more than 25metres in length. If the lane is not sufficiently long then I cannot be the only courteous swimmer that finds their swim ruined by the continual stop start that happens in shorter lanes, when you have to stop and wait in order to give the person in front of you time to move on from the wall, and often slow mid stoke so as to avoid swimming to close them. I also feel guilty if they stop and allow me to overtake – this is a clear indicator that I have gotten to close and made them feel uncomfortable.

I would just like to finish by saying that whichever way you prefer to navigate the lane is fine with me. What is not however, is all those swimmers that think it’s acceptable to do tumble turns. To these people I would say, you’re not competing, most good swimmers can do this, and you are really impressing no one - especially the poor person sharing your lane that either keeps getting kicked, nearly kicked, or choked by the mouthful of water they inevitable they catch from the splash that the turn creates.