The difficulty of the compliment

It seems that whilst we (a sweeping generalisation as by “we” I am referring to “us Brits”) are good at all manner of things, we are not very good at receiving compliments. Yet I wonder why? The compliment is in its definition a praise of excellence, and so we should therefore receive them in the manner in which they are intended. Yet, like most other people I know, I find that when I am afforded a compliment it often leaves me more embarrassed than anything else.

It seems that accepting a compliment is far harder than giving one. How many people do you know that you have offered a compliment to that have either had difficulty in accepting it, or have gone out of their way to nay say it?

I wonder how or why this has happened. At what point did we lose (if we ever had it) the ability to accept a compliment without being abashed by it. It seems that whilst we are known for a great many things; wit, sarcasm, entertainment at the use of euphemisms, politeness, love of queuing (I imagine we will set a great example at the Olympics), and an ability to talk about the weather excessively and needlessly – are we the only country that says the phrase; “it’s very close today?” We are not good, generally, at accepting compliments.

Amusingly though we seem very good at accepting cutting criticisms, and mostly from those closest to us. When we are often surrounded by friends, colleagues, or people close to use, we are far more comfortable mocking each other in a familiar way than we are at accepting the most trivial of compliments.

We are more likely to make fun of a friend or embroil ourselves in “banter” than we are to say something nice. Are we too polite to accept compliments, or are we ingrained with a kind of British sense of humour that makes us far more inclined to accept a slight against us in jest?   

When surrounded by our closest friends, we often speak to each other in ways in which we would never speak to people that we genuinely disliked. It seems that we are polite to strangers, to people we hardly know, and usually to people we don’t like. Yet to our friends, we speak to them in derogatory ways and often to show endearment and affection!

We are more likely to – in cockney rhyming slang, take the mickey bliss, than we are to give those closest to us a compliment. Yet I can’t help but wonder if it wouldn’t just be simpler for us to learn how to accept compliments. Although, granted, it would be far less entertaining.

Yet at what point do we need to get past this aversion to compliments. Should we have criteria perhaps? I.e. is it okay to accept compliments from people senior to you at work, it is okay to accept compliments from a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse? It is okay – if not slightly strange, to accept a compliment from a stranger. However, if it also comes with the offer of sweets you should do as your parents have most likely told you and run away. If it comes with the offer of a drink, you can probably assume that there is a motive behind it.

So whilst the conundrum of the compliment continues to elude me, perhaps I have overstated the issue. After all, surely there is no harm in a little humility or modesty when accepting a compliment?