I have seen a vision of the
future, and I am here to tell you that it is a happy one! The NHS is no longer
failing, but then life expectancy is short. We are all fat, but we are all
happy. We look like a cross between Monica at her fattest in Friends, and the
human race in whatever year Pixar’s Wall-e was set in! If you never watched Friends,
and you haven’t seen Wall-e, suffice to say we are all morbidly obese. Yet let
me say again we are all very happy, so this is a happy blog.
The reason for our calamitous
weight problems, but peaceful state of minds is Tom Kerridge and his Proper Pub
Food. The man who incorporates beef dripping croutons into his salads, is a man
who understands that salads are the work of the devil and is here to save us
all! I normally read right past the salad section on a menu, but for Mr
Kerridge I would happily stop and have a damn good read of what he was throwing
into the mix. Including what was in the dressing, this is a man who understands
that your greens are dull!
Don’t worry though that our life
expectancy’s will be shortened whilst Kerridge is to reign as the food master
supreme, because I am and you should be too, willing to sacrifice all for the
explosion of taste that you can only assume you get from Kerridge’s food when watching
his programme Proper Pub Food. I was virtually drooling at his jacob’s ladder
ribs – that took three days to prep (although he made look easy to do), and was
ready to sell my soul to the devil be invited to his house to eat them and the
shoulder of lamb he cooked. Also no one was fooled into believing that you’d
only eat one of those salt roasted beef bagels!
I am now starting to wonder if
Kerridge maybe the devil. Like every woman, I am constantly monitoring what I
eat to some extent – whether I acknowledge it or not, and now Kerridge is on TV
teasing me with amazing food that is loaded with more fat content and calories
than litres of Ben & Jerry’s.
I am starting to wonder that had
I offered to sell my soul, it could possibly have been Kerridge that would have
turned up with the contract. It’s a great disguise though. He’s so likeable and
endearing. You’d never have him pegged as the part, not like Al Pacino in The
Devil’s Advocate. Also who cares, for another beef rib I’ll sign on whatever
dotted line Kerridge shows me!
There have been so many chef’s on
TV over the past few years making cooking seem simple, but I rarely feel inspired
to want to baste myself in fat. Sod the thirty minute meals – I can order
online quicker that, and I have no time at all for fifteen minute meals.
Honestly, I get no delight or satisfaction in watching things being chucked and
tossed into this and that. If I want something in fifteen minutes I’ll grab
something pre-prepared. Plus let’s face it my fridge and cupboards, will never
look like those of a professional chefs!
Kerridge though is hitting the
screen with a style to his cooking that has made me some kind of addict to both
cooking fat, and his show. I also love his Gloucester lilt, and I have never
wanted to reach into my TV quite so much as when he cooked that seafood bergur
(that’s burger by the way but intended with Kerridge’s Gloucestershire lilt).
Truly – I have salivated over Kerridge’s cooking more than I have salivated
over some of Hollywood’s A’listers! Yet we should not forget that this man does
know what he is doing, and does know a thing or two about prapur (again that’s
proper, but with a Gloucestershire lilt) pub grub. He is after all a two star
Michelin chef!
So Tom – I’m going all informal here
as I’m basting in dripping, you’ve been saluted so please get your book out!
Now I’m back off to my musings about his beef ribs.
